|
Post by smile♥ on May 14, 2009 8:37:30 GMT -5
Sorry its been soooooo long. I just couldn't get it out like I wanted, but I finally did it! Hope you like it!
|
|
|
Post by Kourtni on May 14, 2009 9:36:34 GMT -5
Aw, that was kinda sad...especially with them thinking they may never talk again. But something tells me that they're going to talk again...or maybe I'm wrong. I don't know, so I guess I'll have to wait for more, which I will gladly do.
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on May 14, 2009 13:33:20 GMT -5
Its funny how fate works, so you never know! ;0)
|
|
|
Post by Kourtni on May 16, 2009 6:32:20 GMT -5
Yeah, that is true.
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on May 30, 2009 9:21:40 GMT -5
so i was trying to log on here last night to update this, but every time i would log in, it would say i wasn't logged in.. but i started typing some stuff in word, so it shouldn't be too much longer!!
|
|
|
Post by Kourtni on May 30, 2009 11:56:59 GMT -5
YAY! Because, even though I haven't been posting much, I've been having some serious withdrawals. I've missed this SO much!
|
|
|
Post by live.love.laugh on Jun 1, 2009 0:30:11 GMT -5
i too have been having withdrawls!!!
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on Jun 1, 2009 17:35:48 GMT -5
i'm so sorry you guys! for some reason i can't sign in on my laptop, but i can on my regular computer
|
|
|
Post by Kourtni on Jun 1, 2009 21:49:45 GMT -5
Aw, it's otayyyy!
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on Jun 3, 2009 21:50:14 GMT -5
and i swear i have a really awesome update, but i have to find my flash drive first. lol. i promise you will have it by the end of the week... :0)
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on Jun 6, 2009 22:51:28 GMT -5
"There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean, Making its way past the hotel walls to fill the street..." -- Kenny Chesney 'Anything But Mine' 12-Seven Months Later-
I hadn’t spoken to Teddy – “Not Saying” – in seven months. I knew it would happen, but every time I thought about it, it was depressing. Sometimes I wished I had never opened my big mouth. If I had never said anything, I would still be up talking to him until way past midnight, and I wouldn’t have this stuck-in-the-middle feeling.
My life was somewhere between absolutely boring and mildly interesting. Again. I was back to my old routine. Work, home, sleep, eat, work, home sleep, eat, go out with Justin to watch Jake’s band and hang out with Emma. And each time, I felt that rush of emotions for Justin, but after a while, I realized they weren’t the same emotions I had when I was a silly teenager. I loved Justin, always would, but I wasn’t in love with him. He made me feel safe and if I ever had to live without him, I wouldn’t know what to do. But I couldn’t be in that sort of relationship with him. Not when there was Teddy…
I saw him occasionally, around town with Tucker. He’d always give me that little smile and a slight head nod. I always wondered if he knew. If he had figured it out just as I had and it scared him. Maybe that was why things went downhill. Of course, I never really had much conversation with Teddy face-to-face. It was mostly just a telephone thing.
But I had made a promise to myself that June would be different. It was summer and something about summer cried out for new beginnings. Some things need to change every now and then. So when Emma came to me with a pair of music festival tickets and two plane tickets to Florida, I didn’t hesitate to say yes.
“Seriously?” she seemed so shocked, like she had planned for me to say no. I nodded. “I had this whole speech planned out for when you said no.”
“I’m a new me now. I need to live a little, get out of my comfort zone. Plus, I haven’t been to the beach in a really long time and it will be good to get away,” I said as I finished up a patient chart and set it with all the others. “So is everyone else going too?”
She shook her head. “Total girls week.”
“Great,” I laughed. “Like old times. Just you and me.”
“Just you and me hot cakes,” she we both let out a laugh at one of the many names we used to call each other when it was just the two of us. Before I ever dated Justin and we were two silly girls with major crushes on celebrities.
_ - _ -_
“I can’t believe you agreed to let Justin use your Jeep. That thing is your baby,” Emma laughed as we boarded the plane, just minutes after I had handed my keys off to Justin, trusting him not to do anything stupid.
I had set down with him and told him about the trip, which somehow in a weird way came back to the status of our relationship. It was one of those on-and-off-friends-with-major-benefits things, and while the benefits were definitely great, I felt that if things kept going, we would self destruct. And that we wouldn’t be able to come back from it.
He was having a hard time with it. For the second time ever, I had seen him shed a tear. And while it hurt to see him like that, it had to be done.
“Are you ok?” I asked him and he looked up at me, eyes slightly bloodshot and watery.
He nodded that silent nod and kept those untrusting eyes on me. It didn’t make this any easier.
“I will always love you, ya know.” I said and he tried to smile, but it only made his a tear escape and run down his cheek. I reached my hand up and brushed it away, then sat closer and wrapped my arms around him. “You mean everything to me. And I love you.”
“So then why does it have to be this way?”
“Because… I need to know that there’s not something else out there…”
“For me there’s not,” he said and I felt that ripping feeling in my chest. “I’ve made so many mistakes in my life. But you… You’re special Mads. You are my family. You’re the only person who has never walked out on me completely. Even when I hurt you, you came back. I can’t be without you.”
“Justin, I need you too.” I said. “You will always be a part of my life. Always. No matter what.”
“Even if you’re married?”
“I’ll just have to find a guy who’s willing to accept the most important person in my life,” I told him and he smiled. Finally.
He kissed my cheek, letting his lips linger there for a minute, “I love you, Mads.”
“I love you too Justin.” I told him and rested my head on his forehead.
Even after all that, though, I still found myself waking up next to him the next morning, wearing one of his old football t-shirts and wondering how he still had all this power over me.
“How’s the whole thing going with him anyway?” She asked curiously.
“Let’s just say we’re trying to wean ourselves off of the benefits part of “Friends with Benefits”.” I said as we took our seats and buckled up in preparation for our take off.
_-_-_
Florida was nice. Sure, our hotel was full of obnoxious guys and girls who were all on serious ego trips, but somehow, we were both able to look past all of that. Our room was on the fourth floor – the top floor of the hotel. So we had the best view of anyone. And it was fantastic. It was like the ocean was right at our fingertips.
“Are you hungry?” Emma asked after changing from the comfy sweats she had worn on the plane to a cute denim skirt and a pink tank.
“Starving,” I laughed. “I just need to change first.” I ran to my room and quickly threw on a pair of shorts and a light blue tank.
“There’s a seafood place right down from us. We could walk down the beach to get there if you want,” she suggested. “It’s supposed to be the best place here.”
“That sounds good to me.”
“I haven’t felt sand between my toes in such a long time!” I couldn’t believe how excited I was, but neither could Emma, and seeing the look on her face made me realize just how depressing I had been.
“I’m glad you’re having fun,” she said softly as we walked at a leisurely pace. Despite our growling bellies, we weren’t in any hurry to get out of the moment. The breeze was perfect, and the sun was starting to set just behind us, and it was beautiful.
“I am too. Thank you.” I said. “I wouldn’t have even thought twice about something like this if you hadn’t have brought it up first. It’s exactly what I’ve needed. And I really think that you’ll never see that old me. Ever.”
She let out a laugh, “Well I sure hope so. I was ready to take you out back and put you out of your misery,” she joked and I couldn’t help but kick my leg sideways in an attempt to kick her butt. But I missed and ended up face planting right in front of a pair of unusually tanned feet.
“You know, you should really watch where you’re going,” I heard a deep voice say. “The sand tends to drag pretty girls down when they’re not paying attention.”
He was holding his hand out to me, waiting for me to take it. He had the prettiest brown eyes. “Thanks.”
“No problem,” he gave me a flirty, but not obnoxious, smile before picking up the squishy football at his feet and throwing it back to his friend who was wading on a sandbar.
“Girl, he was cute!”
“I know,” I giggled, feeling my cheeks burning red as we linked arms and hurried towards our destination.
_-_-_
“Best shrimp ever,” I said as we left the restaurant, feeling like we had ate the entire building.
“Mmhmm.”
“So when does this concert thing actually start?” I asked curiously.
“Tomorrow night.” She informed me. “Hey look, your man is still out here.”
“Shut up, he is not my man. I don’t even know his name!” I giggled as we kept walking towards our hotel, and Mr. Brown Eyes. He was passing a Frisbee with a couple of friends and I couldn’t help but think about how cute he was as he chased it and laughed when he tripped and missed the catch.
As if it was meant to be, he fell right in front of my feet, the bright green Frisbee landing a few feet behind us.
“Ya know, you really should be more careful. The sand tends to pull good looking guys down when they’re not paying attention,” I couldn’t believe my boldness. This wasn’t the me I had become so comfortable in. But this me was equally familiar, and much more fun.
I held my hand out, just as he had done for me and helped him up just as Emma returned his Frisbee to him.
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were stalking me.” He teased. “And I bet you had that all planned out too.”
“It was just coincidence.” I laughed. “You just happen to be standing between me and my hotel. Which has a hot tub calling my name.”
“Oh yeah?” I nodded. “And what is your name?”
“Madison.”
He smiled and nodded, “Madison… I’m Everett.”
“Nice to meet you Everett.” I smiled at him. “Maybe I’ll see you on the beach tomorrow.”
“I think you will,” he flirted and I had to turn away. I couldn’t let him see my bright red cheeks. And just before we were completely out of earshot, he called, “You might even see me before then!”
“Girl! I love this new you! You flirt better than I ever could!” Emma squealed once we were out of hearing distance.
Once we got back to the hotel, Emma and I changed into our bathing suits and headed down to the hot tub, which was surprisingly empty. We threw down our towels and quickly claimed our spots, hoping no one would come around, wanting us to share. We spent the next couple of hours alternating between the cool pool and the steamy hot tub, just talking. It was so good to have what felt like an endless amount of “girl time”. I couldn’t remember the last time that Emma and I actually got to have a serious conversation, or even one that wasn’t serious, but uninterrupted.
This week was going to be the best weekend of my life, and I was never going to forget it.
"I think I'm going to head back up to the room now," Emma said and I nodded. "You coming?"
"I think I'm gonna hang out here for a little while longer." I said. "I'm too relaxed to move yet."
She let out a little laugh. "Ok. See you in a bit."
"You know... Its probably not safe for you to be out here alone," It was Everett. I had only ran into him twice and I could already recognize his voice.
"Why? Because I'm a girl?"
He laughed and shook his head. "No, because you're a pretty girl, and sometimes its not safe to be a pretty girl alone."
"I think I can take care of myself just fine," I said as I closed my eyes again and rested my head against the edge of the hot tub. I heard him get in a take a seat across the pool from me. It was a safe distance.
"Maybe you can. But I think I may have to stay with you... Ya know, just in case," he said and I cracked my eyes to look at him. He was smiling smugly, and I wanted nothing more than to splash water in his eyes. "So where are you from?"
"Texas." I said, sitting up since he obviously wasn't going to let me sit there in silence.
"I'm from Georgia." he told me. "South Georgia. Close to Savannah."
"Thats nice," I said it with a hint of sass and sarcasm, hoping he would take the hint.
"You say that so bitterly."
"That wasn't bitter. That was sass," I told him.
"Well then I'd hate to hear you being bitter."
I smiled smugly and tried to focus my attention elsewhere, like on the familiar face sitting on a lounge chair on the other side of the pool. The familiar face that made me think of the way summer smelled when you were sitting way up high, looking down at Lake Michigan. He didn't look up, but somehow I knew he had been paying attention.
"Well, I have nothing to be bitter about, so... " I trailed off. "So you're here for the concert?"
He shook his head. "No, um, family vacation, actually. We've been doing this huge family vacation thing since I was like three. We come here every year."
"Doesn't that get old?"
He shrugged. "Thats why I spend as much time away from them as I can."
I nodded and stole a glance at the familiar face. He snapped his head back to his phone - which I had noticed he kept playing with a lot - when he saw me start to look his way.
"Madison!" I heard Emma call from our balcony. "Your phone won't stop ringing!"
I looked at Everett and he was already getting out of the water, drying his chest off with a towel. I wrapped my towel around me and made my way to the fence, noting that Everett wasn't far behind me.
"What are you doing?" I asked once we stepped on the elevator.
"Walking you to your room. Just in case."
"I'll be fine," I told him stubbornly. He may be cute, but he's really starting to push my buttons.
As soon as the doors shut though, he grew quieter. He kept to his corner, arms folded across his chest.
"Are you ok? Did I hurt your feelings?"
He shook his head. "No, I just get nervous in elevators."
"Oh."
He blushed. "Its kind of silly."
Finally, he has a fault. "Not really. Everyone has something they're afraid of." The elevator stopped and the doors opened onto the fourth floor. The warm ocean breeze felt good as it traveled down the breezeway and over my bare arms. "See you later Everett."
- - - -
"So who is it?" I asked curiously.
"Its just a number and they won't leave a voicemail." She said. "I was about to throw it out the window."
I laughed and picked it up just as it began to ring again. "Hello?"
"Lyla?"
|
|
|
Post by Kourtni on Jun 7, 2009 20:32:13 GMT -5
Ooh, in a way I'm liking this new side of her, but at the same time I don't. I guess I don't like it because she's not really speaking to Teddy anymore...at least for now. Haha.
That was an amazing update.
And now I really want to have a girls beach trip with my best friend. Haha.
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on Jun 7, 2009 21:17:30 GMT -5
well, at the end he called, so... maybe she won't hang up on him? maybe she will? who knows! lol but the new side of her is nothing to hate. its all for the better!
|
|
|
Post by Kourtni on Jun 8, 2009 7:27:58 GMT -5
Yeah, that's what I'm just temporarily sad. LOL. Hopefully she'll give him the chance to talk, even if it's for like a minute. Haha.
|
|
|
Post by smile♥ on Jun 19, 2009 23:23:15 GMT -5
"Why don't you stay?" -- Sugarland 'Stay' 13
"Are you there?" He asked. I was half mad because it had taken this long for him to call, and half mad because he had just seen me downstairs, but was too chicken to come over and say anything.
"Yeah." "So what's been going on?" Seriously? He was going to be like that? Like we had never stopped talking in the first place...
"Why are you calling me now?"
"What's wrong with that?"
"Well, you've had seven months to call me, but nothing..." I said.
"The phone works both ways." He said. "And I know you have caller ID. Everyone has caller ID these days."
He was right, but that wasn't the point. All along he had been the one to call me every night. To start the silly conversations about all the random things we talked about, and even the serious stuff too. He had started it all. And he had finished it seven months ago when he stopped calling.
"Look, if you want it to be this way then we can just stop talking." He said. "I won't call anymore. Consider this the last time you'll ever hear my voice, Lyla."
I hadn't wanted him to hang up this time, but he did. That was it. And I knew he meant it because he meant it seven months ago when he didn't even have to say it. I tossed my phone onto the bed and stepped out onto the balcony, overlooking the pool. Everett was back down there, sitting in a lounge chair with his iPod.
So this is the new me. No more "Not Saying". I thought about it as I stood there by myself with the beachy wind blowing in my face and the sound of the waves providing a nice soundtrack. I thought changing for the better was supposed to feel good, not like someone had just ripped your insides out and put them in a blender...
- - - -
"Do you want that with non-fat milk or whole milk?" The girl behind the counter at McDonald's asked. I had just ordered an iced mocha, who knew you actually had to choose what kind of milk you want in it.
"So who is playing tonight at this concert?" I asked curiously.
"Well, the one we're going to, is the one where Teddy is playing."
"Teddy's playing?" I tried to act cool about it. She didn't know that I had figured out exactly who "Not Saying" was.
"Yeah, he was a last minute add to the list," she said. "Tucker was telling me about it the other day."
She and Tucker had started to date, but then she realized he was a total slob and pig, and told him they were much better off as friends. Good friends, actually.
"So I was thinking that Everett is perfect for you," she said as we sat down with our breakfast by a big window where the blinds had been lowered halfway to block out the sun.
I made a face, "I don't think so."
"What? Are you serious? You're never going to get anywhere if you keep doing that." She laughed. "Do you and Justin have some secret pact that you'll marry each other or something? Because its starting to look that way and its getting kind of pathetic. Excuse my brutal honesty. But you're either with him, or you're not. You're either just friends or you're together."
I crossed my arms and looked out the window. So what if I was always back and forth with Justin? Yes, I love him. And yes, I want to find out what else is out there before I dedicate the rest of my life to a relationship with him. What's wrong with keeping him close?
"And to tell the truth, the torture you put that poor boy through is painful to watch. You tease him, but when he gets too close you turn him loose and he walks around like a puppy thats been kicked for a month. I bet he's curled up in your bed right now, sleeping on your pillow just so he can smell you."
"Hey ladies," I half expected Everett to slide into the booth next to me, but it was Teddy instead. How could he act so calmly after last night.
"Hey Ted, I was just telling Madison that we're going to your show tonight." She said and I began shoving biscuit into my mouth nervously, hoping no one would notice the awkwardness.
"Oh yeah?" He looked at me, but I kept eating like I didn't notice. "Hey, Madison," something about the way he said it... "Have you checked your voicemail lately? Because I think that um, your mom has been trying to call you."
"Did she call you or something?" Emma threw in.
"Huh? Oh yeah, she did, last night. It was real late."
"Is everything ok?" Emma asked again, not letting me get a word in.
"Oh um, yeah I'm sure everything is."
"I don't check my voicemail... I forgot the password, like, a year ago because no one ever leaves messages. They just keep calling back."
Maybe he did know, because the look on his face was suddenly different.
"Oh ok. Well, I need to get back to the beach. I'll see you guys tonight."
“You should call her back,” Emma said as soon as Teddy left.
“Huh? Oh yeah, I will.”
“Now?”
“If everything is fine, then it can wait,” I said, trying to blow it off because I knew my mom didn’t really call because I had talked with her yesterday, and she had no problems getting in touch with me.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, trying to find a distraction. “So I was thinking we could do some shopping today. I heard there’s a really cool outdoor mall a couple miles down the road.”
She gave me a look, and I knew she was suspicious. She knew I was lying. I was a horrible liar, and anyone could see that. “Ok.”
She let out a small sigh.
- - - -
Today was great. It was a total girls day, and I loved it. I hadn’t had one in a long time, and it made me realize – again – just how bad of a friend I was. I didn’t spend much time with my best friend. I just moped around in this body, going through the motions day to day. I was alive, but not really living. Today I lived.
We got manicures and pedicures at a small place down from the hotel before driving down to the mall. We both got simple French manicures, and I got my toes painted blue with white polka dots, while Emma got hot pink toenails with while polka dots. We matched, but in a cute way.
We even spent way too much money on clothes. The mall was filled with cute little shops that were locally owned, along with a few chains like Gap and Victoria’s Secret. And in the midst of all this girl time, I forgot all about my personal dramas. For once, I didn’t think about Justin or Teddy, or even Everett, who while very attractive, would just be a friend I met on vacation.
I even bought a special gift for Emma for her birthday, which happened to be two days after we got back home. She had been eyeing a coach purse in one of the shops, but didn’t buy because she “Just couldn’t pay that much right now”.
“Hey look, a photo booth,” I laughed, thinking about Teddy for the first time that day and the strip of pictures sitting in my room in Texas. “We should do it.”
She smiled and laughed. “Ok.”
We waited for the brother and sister inside to come out before hopping inside and feeding the machine our cash. I felt like a carefree, drama-less teenager again, and I loved it. If only things could be as simple as a set of silly pictures with your best friend. If only, if only.
- - - -
“Hey,” Emma said as she came out onto the balcony with me. I had been waiting for her to finish getting ready before heading down to the beach below, where everyone was having a good time, mingling and listening to the music. “You ready to go?”
“Yeah,” I said, standing up and smoothing down the end of the dark purple sundress I had bought earlier that day.
Teddy didn’t go on for another hour, but we wanted the perfect spot to sit on a towel and listen to him play. If we sat close enough to the stage, the occasional person wandering by wouldn’t trip over us. He didn’t know we were there yet, but we were watching him as he checked all the instruments on stage. He looked so into what he was doing. It was cute. Finally, when he looked up, he saw us and gave me a cute little smile. I still wasn’t sure if he knew or not, so I did my best to mirror him.
“I think he really likes you,” Emma said.
“What? Why would you think that?”
“Because, I just get this vibe from him, ya know?” She laughed. “And I never told you this, but he does remember you from Chicago. That night that we all went out to the bar, he told me while you were in the bathroom. That’s why Tucker backed off and didn’t talk to you much.”
“He still could’ve been nicer about it,” I laughed.
“I told him that,” She let out a laugh as she took a sip from the bottle of water she had brought down from the room. “Anyway, so when he told you he’d dance with you, we were a little surprised, because according to Tucker, that’s not how Teddy is. Sure, he’s not too shy or anything anymore, but the way he talked about you, he seemed a little scared to get involved.”
“So this whole time he’s known that we’ve met before and he didn’t say anything?”
“It works both ways, love,” she laughed and I had to admit she was right. I hadn’t exactly brought the subject up either. “So, just in case you’re serious about not having a relationship with Justin, there’s Teddy. Who I’m pretty sure has feelings for you.”
I nodded as I turned my head to watch him and found him standing in front of the microphone, looking down at his guitar as he tuned it. He looked up at me and smiled.
“Hey you two,” he said in a goofy voice. “You can’t sit there.”
“Oh no?” I laughed.
He shook his head. “You have to come closer. Just push all these people out of the way. Hey make some room for my friends, ok?”
We giggled as we pushed through a few people and ended up standing right in front of him.
“That’s better,” he smiled, letting his eyes linger just a little longer on me before turning back to the microphone and starting the show. “Welcome to my show,” he laughed. “Destin is hot, isn’t it.? Well, I hope you all enjoy this. It’s a bunch of new stuff I wrote a few months ago, so… Don’t get mad if you can’t sing along.”
Everyone let out a laugh as he began playing and everyone clapped along to the beat.
- - - -
After the show, Teddy invited us to come up to his room to hang out with him and some of his friends for a bit. It wasn't a very big room, not like some of the major acts got, but it was still a decent sized room with a kitchen, and two separate bedrooms. It was more like a condo.
"So what have you guys been up to?" He asked us as we picked our seats on the couch. "Besides tanning."
I looked at our arms and realized we had grown pretty dark since we'd arrived two days ago. I knew I would be peeling later though.
"Not much," Emma replied, shrugging her shoudlers. "Just relaxing, mostly. Its definitely a good way to get away."
A few moments later, a group of guys who I recognized as the rest of the band, came through the door with coolers and pizza. Behind them were Everett and his friend from the beach, along with two other girls with matching bleach blond hair and mini skirts, who were hanging all over the guys.
"Did you bring the cards?" Teddy asked one guy and he reached back, pulling two decks of cards out of his back pocket. "Sweet. I thought we could play cards if you wanted."
I nodded. Soon, all of us were into an intensely competitive game of B.S., and I was losing... Every time. But every now and then, I would peer across the circle at Teddy, and I would catch him doing the same. He'd give me a small smile before claiming he had two eights or three kings, then laughing maniacally when I called B.S. and had to take the entire stack.
It was close to three in the morning when I realized that almost everyone had left except for Teddy, Emma, and I as well as one of the band members, who I later learned was named Steven. Emma let out a yawn and said she was going back to our room, and Steven stood and stretched and said he was going to bed as well. I followed Emma to the door, but when I turned around to say goodbye to Teddy, he gave me a look I hadn't seen from him in a long, long time.
He put his hand on my wrist, and over the sound of the ocean coming through the open balcony door, he said, "Stay."
|
|