RavenRoyale'
Mustering Confidence
I Gotta Step Outside These Walls
Posts: 8
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Post by RavenRoyale' on Mar 30, 2009 19:48:37 GMT -5
lol yes anime she's crazy I'm watching it on nbc which sucks because i've been waiting FOREVER did you watch it on Direct tv or are you watching it on nbc
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Post by smile♥ on Mar 30, 2009 21:52:50 GMT -5
i got to watch it on directv. which was pretty cool since there wasn't any commercials. but on nbc's website, there's a bunch of scenes that didn't make either airing, so i've been watching those too because they put them up as each episode airs. its pretty cool to try and match up which scene goes with which episode. again... i'm rambling on and on. lol. my friends joke that i missed the casting for it. (of course there's no way i'd ever be good enough for the show, but i can dream, right? lol)
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RavenRoyale'
Mustering Confidence
I Gotta Step Outside These Walls
Posts: 8
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Post by RavenRoyale' on Mar 31, 2009 14:40:25 GMT -5
Cool i didn't know they had extras on nbc now i have to go check that out But it must have been amazing watching it without commercials I would totally love to be on the show even to just walk in the background lol
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Post by smile♥ on Mar 31, 2009 21:56:52 GMT -5
Haha for real. I would kill to even be a fly on the wall!
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Post by smile♥ on Apr 1, 2009 22:49:33 GMT -5
"I'm just the kid who's better off alone..." -- Teddy Geiger 'Better Off Alone' 5
I hate him. I don't care how "perfect" my mom thinks he is for me, I hate him. So what if I didn't stop staring at him. If he knew my situation, he would understand... Or not, either way he had no reason to say those things...
And I thought things were going great. My mom was less nosey and even Kourtni was less annoying than she usually was. I was starting to think I was the most awful person on earth for not coming to see my parents more often.
But then...
Then I heard what he was saying about me.
"Dude, she's cute, right?" I heard Tucker say later as we all hung out in front of the house. I had been watching my dad attempt to teach little Timothy how to hold a football. My dad was ecstatic that there was finally a boy in the family since he only had daughters.
"She's ok. Kind of weird though."
"What?" Tucker kind of chuckled a bit and I wondered if they knew I could hear them.
"Did you see the way she kept staring? I mean... What's her deal? Can she not speak? The only thing she said was her name when we first got here." Teddy said.
"I noticed it a little bit, but I don't think its that bad."
"She's kind of plain too." Teddy said. "No make-up. Ordinary jeans, plain yellow shirt, dull white sneakers... Do I need to keep going?"
"Ok, ok. I see what you're saying." Tucker was laughing a little louder now. And I was starting to like him for sort of sticking up for me.
"I mean, she could at least try to make herself look good. She looks kind of tired." Teddy commented again. "She's like, maybe a five."
Tucker let out another hysterical laugh, to which Teddy joined in too, and I was sure he was making his eyes wide to imitate my lame staring. But he would have stared too if he was me.
That was it. I couldn't take it anymore. I hopped up from my spot on the bottom step of the stairs leading to the rather small front porch. I was leaving. I have the two of them a death glare as I entered the house to grab my keys and tell my mom I was leaving. Of course, it probably would have been more effective if I hadn't been crying.
- - - -
I stood in the mirror for a good twenty minutes when I got home. I was plain. I was dull. There was nothing extraordinary about me. Stupid Teddy and his even stupider friend Tucker... I wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes just before the phone began to ring.
"Hello?" I asked as I answered the phone, trying to hide the stuffy nose and the quivering voice I had due to my lame sobs.
"What's wrong?" Not Saying.
"Nothing, its stupid." I told him as I flopped onto my bed depressingly.
"Want to talk about it?"
I let out a sigh and stayed quiet for a minute before finally telling him. "My mom tried to set me up with this guy... And she was all 'Oh, he's perfect for you' and she was just raving about how nice he was... And when I first saw him, I liked him too. But then he just hurt my feelings, and I've been thinking about it all night."
"So you talked to your mom?"
"Yeah," I said quietly. "I took your advice."
"I'm sorry you got hurt," he said. "But he's just stupid. I haven't ever seen you before and I know you're more than just whatever you look like on the outside. You're nice, you're funny, you say what you want... You're awesome."
They were simple words, but they brought a smile to my face... Even if it was temporary.
"Thanks," I told him.
"No problem."
"So how has your day been?" I asked curiously.
"Oh pretty good. I met up with a friend and I've got some time off for a while, so I get to relax a bit."
"Thats good." I told him. "Just what you need, right?"
"Yeah, I'm going to enjoy it too."
"Thats good," I heard a voice in the background and he let out a laugh.
"Hey, we're about to go out to a couple bars or something... I don't know," he was still laughing. At least one of us is getting what we want.
"Ok. Have fun. Tell me all about it later," I said.
"Oh I'm sure you'll hear about it some how. Sounds like it should be a good time." He let out another laugh. "Talk to you later Not Tucker."
"Later Not Saying." I laughed and shook my head as I hung up the phone. And again, something he said sounded so familiar. I couldn't quite figure it out because everything he said was something so ordinary... Something someone would say in any conversation...
I'm going to figure this out... Even if it drives me insane.
- - - -
The next day wasn't much better than the day before. I didn't do anything, really. I mean, I did laundry, cleaned up the apartment a little, but somehow I still felt like I did nothing. Maybe it was the ominous weather that had me feeling so down. The sky was dark and dreary and every few minutes a flash of lighting would streak across the sky, followed by low, rumbling thunder.
After hours of mindless television shows, and one long hot shower, I decided to go to bed. But just as I was settling in under the covers, someone knocked on my door.
I grumbled a little as I threw the covers off of me dramatically. I stomped to the front door as the person continued to knock. When I threw it open, I was surprised to find a soaked Justin standing on the other side. A pool of water was forming on the carpet in the small hallway. Its a good thing my apartment was a loft, and therefore the only one on the top floor; Otherwise, my neighbors would be complaining.
He was out of breath too. A flash of lightning lit up his face and made him look like something out of a horror movie.
"Hey." He said, his eyes looking around wildly like they did when he was nervous or excited.
"Hey.."
"Um.. I need a place to stay." He said as I stepped aside and let him in. Its a good thing the front part of my house was tiled and not carpeted.
"For tonight?"
"I'm not sure how long," he was still out of breath.
"Ok... Um... What happened?"
"Danny and me... We had this fight about the garage because he's not doing a good job of managing our money, and we were, like, throwing punches..." That explained the bruise over his cheek that I could see better in the light. "But he kicked me out."
Typical. They were always fighting. But it resulted in Justin leaving only once before this. They were arguing over some girl that was a little too old for Justin, but still too young for Danny. Said girl broke it off with Justin then started sleeping around with his older brother, Justin got mad and that night my dad found him sleeping in his truck in the K-Mart parking lot and invited him home.
"Ok. I think I've still got a few of your things." I told him as he followed me to my room, where I managed to find an old pair of gym shorts and an old t-shirt.
He held up his old gym bag to show me that he had even thought to bring some of his things with him. "Oh. Well, you can still keep these.."
He nodded awkwardly as he took them out of my hand and went to the bathroom to change while I unfolded the couch in the living room.
"Well, um... Goodnight," I said, not really knowing what to say.
"'Night Mad." His voice was low as he sat on the edge of the mattress and I began to walk off. "Thanks."
I turned around and smiled and gave him a little nod, "No problem."
- - - -
"So your ex is staying at your house?" Lynnette asked Friday night. "Are you sure you two aren't back together?"
I rolled my eyes. "Believe me, we're not."
"They just like to flirt like crazy to make us think they're getting back together," Jake added as we all stood around filling out charts.
I threw a wadded up paper towel at him and he stuck his tongue out like a six-year-old.
"So what about that guy your mom tried to hook you up with?" Jake asked and I gave him a look. "Emma told me."
"He is a total jerk." I told them before telling them everything I heard him say about me.
"Maybe you're one of those people who never get married. The independent type, ya know?" Lynnette added. "Trust me girl, sometimes its better that way."
"So you're better off alone, no big deal, right?" Jake said as he filled a paper cup full of hot coffee.
"Yeah," I sighed and whispered to myself, "Better off alone."
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miss_laughter
Underage Thinker
"and so the lion fell in love with the lamb..."
Posts: 255
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Post by miss_laughter on Apr 1, 2009 23:01:24 GMT -5
i need more!!!!!!!! period. end of story.
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Post by Kourtni on Apr 1, 2009 23:36:54 GMT -5
Uh oh; the ex is staying with her...not very cool. Hmm, should make for some interesting conversations though. lol.
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Post by live.love.laugh on Apr 2, 2009 14:22:32 GMT -5
dang girl! what a jerk teddy was!
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Post by smile♥ on Apr 2, 2009 22:59:51 GMT -5
i know! i actually thought he wasn't a big enough jerk! lol i kept trying to come up with some really mean things for him to say, but i figured it would be best to start small. i'm glad you all like it so far!!
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Post by live.love.laugh on Apr 4, 2009 14:11:04 GMT -5
more please
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Post by smile♥ on Apr 6, 2009 22:53:56 GMT -5
"You can hear the cries from the carnival rides, The pin-ball bells and the ski-ball slides, Watching the summer sun fall out of sight, There's a warm wind coming in from off of the ocean, Making its way past the hotel walls to fill the street, Mary is holding both of her shoes in her hand, Said she likes to feel the sand beneath her feet..." -- Kenny Chesney 'Anything But Mine'6
I sigh to myself as I pass the spare bedroom, which Justin has now moved into since purchasing a futon and a set of sheets. He's lying diagonal on it, one leg twisted up in the blankets, leaving the other out in the open. His face is covered by his messy hair and I fight the urge to go in and brush it. I never understood how he could stand sleeping with his hair all over his face like that.
"Are you going to stand there and stare at me all day?" He mumbled slowly as he pushed himself up and onto his back with his hands and then stretched.
"I was just wondering how you could be comfortable all twisted up like that," I told him as I leaned against the door frame. It was seven o'clock at night, I realized. What was he doing asleep? "Didn't you have to work today?"
"Thats the thing about owning your own business, Mads. You can not show up whenever you want. I left a message early this morning on the answering machine in the office and told Danny I wasn't going to be there."
I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I walked out of the room to fix myself some food before getting ready for my next shift at work.
"What?" He laughed as he attempted to get out of the bed, but stumbled from being twisted up in the sheets. "Mmph."
I couldn't help but snicker just a bit as he came around the corner and sat behind the bar on one of the stools.
"Look," I sighed as I filled a pot with water. "You've been here for... Two weeks now, and I - um.. I was just wondering.."
"Wondering when I'm going to leave?" He asked, disappointed.
"I didn't mean it like that... I just... Its fine if you want to stay here, really. I just need a little help..."
"Oh," he looked surprised, and I couldn't help but feel bad for making him think he wasn't wanted here. He'd felt that way his whole life because of his parents, and he didn't need me to add to the list. My door is always open for any of my friends. "Ok. I can do that."
I nodded and smiled, "Ok, good. Its not much. I got like, half of the rent knocked off because I'm the coach's daughter, and you know how Buddy likes his football..."
Justin nodded and sarcastically remarked, "Yeah... Good ol' Buddy."
Justin didn't like Buddy, and vice versa. The only time Buddy ever wanted anything to do with Justin was when it came to football, despite the fact that Buddy was Justin's father. The whole town knew it - even Justin knew it - but Buddy refused to claim him and left him with his half brother Danny and his promiscuous mother, Shelly, who also left him when he was ten to move to L.A.
"I'm sorry," I told him and he shook his head, telling me not to worry about it. "Hey, can you finish making this? I really need to get ready for work or I'm going to be late."
"Yeah, sure. Macaroni and cheese is my specialty," he gave me his trademark grin before shoving me towards the bathroom.
- - - -
"Hey, um... That guy called again," Justin told me when I got out of the shower. "I told him you were getting ready for work."
"Oh."
"I thought he wasn't calling you anymore," he sounded kind of disappointed, I wasn't sure if it was in me or if it was because he could tell I kind of had a thing for this guy.
I shrugged. "He does. And its nice... To talk to someone you don't even know. I can tell him anything and I don't have to worry about feelings being hurt and he can do the same thing. Its nothing too serious. We mostly just rant about things that happen and give each other advice."
He gave me a skeptical look, but he nodded as if he understood. But I knew he - any everyone else - thought I was the biggest idiot for talking to someone I had never met. He slid me a bowl full of macaroni and cheese and we ate our dinner in front of the TV together before I had to rush off to work.
- - - -
"Your boyfriend answered yesterday," Not Saying told me the next night.
"Yeah, he told me you called. Sorry I didn't answer. I was running kind of late for work and I even had Justin in there fixing something to eat. It was crazy."
"Yeah, sounds like it." He commented absentmindedly.
"So what's up with you?"
"Oh, ya know. Just trying to get stuff done by these deadlines, but it just feels like its not going to work out, ya know? Like, maybe I'm just setting myself up for failure." He told me, which was more than he'd said in a while. "I feel like my work is good, awesome even, but everything else has been shot down before this, so I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but its hard not to."
"Sounds like you need to just take a deep breath and calm down before you force yourself into a panic attack," I told him.
"I need a distraction."
"Ok... So where are you right now?" I asked curiously, and I could tell he was hesitant to answer. "Don't worry, you can tell me where you are."
"Chicago," he told me.
"Oh, I love Chicago. I have an aunt who lives there. One time, when I was sixteen I spent a summer with her and she took me to Navy Pier and it was so much fun. I met this really cute guy and we hit it off, and we e-mailed a lot, but we lost touch after about a year. But still, it was one of the best times of my life."
"Navy Pier, huh?"
"I highly suggest it. Especially the ferris wheel. Definitely my favorite." I told him.
"I will have to check that out. I'm sure Billy won't mind hitting up the ferris wheel a couple times."
"No way, man!" I heard Billy call from somewhere on Not Saying's end.
"Come on Billy."
"I don't do heights, man." Billy said. "I'm going to bed. Don't stay up late you've got stuff to do tomorrow."
"Yeah, yeah." Not Saying laughed.
"Billy sounds fun."
"Yeah, most of the time. He's actually the same age as me, but he's like, huge. He used to be a football player. He acts like a grandpa or something." We both laughed hysterically for a few minutes before falling into a comfortable silence.
I heard the knock on my front door, signaling Emma's arrival. We had planned to go to a movie tonight, and I had forgotten all about it. I was still in my pajamas and I needed a shower...
"Hey, um... I totally forgot that Emma and I are supposed to go to a movie tonight, and she's here now and I'm not even ready to go... So I need to get off here..." It was weird that for once, I was the one who was ending the conversation. In fact, this had been one of the longest conversations I had ever had with Not Saying.
"Ok. Have fun at your movie."
"Have fun at the Navy Pier."
"I will. Oh hey! I'm going to be really busy for the next few days so I won't be able to call you." He told me.
"Oh. Ok. Thats ok. Just whenever you get a chance." I told him.
"Until next time."
"Next time," I sighed as I hung up the phone and raced for the door, where Emma was beginning to show her impatience by nearly kicking the door in.
"Hi, sorry," I laughed as I opened the door. "Um... I'm not even close to being ready."
She let out a laugh. "Girl, you look like you just rolled out of bed."
"Yeah. I did," It wasn't a total lie. I had been lying on my bed while I was on the phone.
"So we'll just go to a later movie." She said before heading off to my room to pick out my outfit. "Now get in the shower!"
I laughed and followed her orders, passing Justin's room on the way. He was staring at an old piece of paper, and I made a mental note to have a serious talk with him tomorrow.
- - - -
"Hey, why don't you call Justin and have him meet us to watch Jake's band?" Emma suggested after the movie finished. It was still kind of early for her, and she was determined to keep me out all night.
"Ok, yeah." I pulled out my phone and dialed his number. "Hey. Do you want to meet me and Emma to watch Jake's band?"
"Um... Yeah. Sure." He seemed depressed, and it made me worry about him. He was my closest friend, and I couldn't help but want to fix him.
"Ok, great. I'll see you in a few then."
"Yeah." He hung up the phone quickly and I couldn't help but feel a little off about the sound of his voice.
- - - -
"So how is Mr. Mystery?" Emma joked as we all sat at the bar.
I rolled my eyes. "He's fine, I guess."
Emma nudged me, gesturing for me to lean closer so I could hear her whisper, "I think there's something wrong with Justin. I'm gonna go up to the stage so you two can talk."
I tried to act nonchalant as she walked away, but I'm sure it was obvious what was going on, because I turned to him immediately.
"What's wrong?"
He finally looked up from his beer - the only beer he had had all night, and it was actually still full as well. I had only seen that look in his eyes once. And it was when he blew his knee at the very last game of his high school career, and therefore lost his scholarship and any chance he had at going pro.
He shook his head - typical Justin. "Nothin'."
"Its obviously something," typical me. I laughed silently at myself.
He shook his head. "I was just watching Danny and Holly together over there. And I thought about how happy they are together. I want that, ya know? And then I was thinking about my dad and how Danny's dad actually cares about him. My life totally sucks."
"No it doesn't." I told him.
"Why not?"
"Because you've got a great brother, who would do anything for you, and a little nephew who thinks you're the greatest thing since the invention of the toilet. And you've got me. And a place to live."
"You, huh? I was kind of thinking that was one of the negative things about my life," he teased and I playfully punched his shoulder.
"Anyway, what I'm saying is... Despite, what? Two things? You've got a great life. And as far as the dad thing goes, he's a horrible landlord too. He won't let me have a cat."
He let out a laugh. "You're crazy, Clarke. Come on, let's dance."
He grabbed my hand and pulled me out onto the floor, and once again... I had that feeling that I was seventeen again, and the only thing that mattered to me was him.
- - - -
I was exhausted from the night out with my friends, but I couldn't really sleep. I got an hour right after I returned home, but once I woke up, I couldn't get back to sleep. I could hear Justin snoring softly in the room next to me as I made my way to my closet and got out my old photo album from high school. It was dark brown fabric with light pink, orange and yellow polka dots all over it.
I don't know when was the last time I looked at this, but I knew it had been a while when I opened it to the first page and saw Emma and I on our very first day of ninth grade. I still had braces and chubby, baby fat cheeks, and Emma's hair was short and light blond because her mom wouldn't let her dye her hair brown like she wanted.
I flipped to the page where Emma and I were posing in front of our first cars; Hers a used white Jetta, and mine a red Ford Ranger with no air conditioning. I laughed as I thought about how it was still parked in the driveway of my parents' house because my dad liked to drive it sometimes.
Then I flipped to the page where I went to Navy Pier with my dad's sister, my Aunt Leah. We posed for a picture by the railing, looking out onto the lake, and in front of the ginormous ferris wheel, and even when we were at the very top of the ferris wheel. And then there was the picture of my first - and only - summer fling.
He was cute in a not so obvious way. Shaggy dark brown hair, and he wore converse sneakers with loose fitting jeans, and his eyes were amazing. Bright blue. Like the sky almost, but a little darker. I smiled at the picture of the two of us at the top of the ferris wheel, he was kissing my cheek and I was smiling like a smitten school girl.
And then there was the photobooth pictures we took, making silly faces and kissing each other on the cheek. I remember how we did it twice so that we would each have a copy of the pictures to take home with us.
I remembered how on his last night in Chicago, the two of us sat on the beach, listening to my small boom box. This one song was playing, and it fit the moment so right.
And in the morning I'm leaving, making my way back to Cleveland...
Only, he changed the words to New York instead of Cleveland, even though it didn't really fit.
So tonight I hope that I will do just fine...
And then he kissed me. My first kiss. And it was cute. Just a soft peck on the lips, but it was exciting.
And I don't see how you could ever be anything but mine.
At the time, we thought we'd never lose touch. We thought that eventually, we would be together for real, like an official boyfriend-girlfriend couple. But not everything can turn out like 'Grease'.
Finally, I felt my eyelids growing heavy, so I closed the album and laid it on my nightstand and crawled under the covers for some much needed rest.
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Post by smile♥ on Apr 6, 2009 22:55:32 GMT -5
Its kind of long, but I'm sure you all won't mind. Can anyone guess who the kid she met in Chicago is??? LOL
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Post by live.love.laugh on Apr 7, 2009 1:43:58 GMT -5
OMG OMG OMG!!! this is amazing!!! i want more!!
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Post by xtedheadx on Apr 7, 2009 19:23:41 GMT -5
Oh My Goodness Gracious!! I've missed like everything! Obviously I'm not doing a very good job with my New Years Resolution go find time to check out these boards more often. =p Maybe I can start again..like an Easter Resolution. =] Anyway let's get back to this story of yours. ITS AMAZING! I know I say that about all your stories...but trust me they deserve it. This story in particular is one of my favorites so far. I think maybe it's the whole concept or something. =] I'm not sure..whatever is keep it going! =] ~Brooke (she is also very sorry for being such a lame reader..and commenter)
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Post by smile♥ on Apr 8, 2009 15:43:56 GMT -5
You're not a lame commenter/reader! I'm glad you do find time when you remember! Thanks for your reply & I'm glad you like it!!
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