Insecurities and Paralyzing Self-Doubt.

[Carie]

i love it!
i cant wait for more =)

[alyssa duhhh]

curlykt said:

Alyssa is a poetic genius

i gave myself snaps for that.

JAZZ HANDS.

hahahahhahaha

[smile♥]

I love it!
You guys are NUTS

I'm working on more now!!

[alyssa duhhh]

haha nuts
you love it.
;D

yeeeeeeey more!
thats my 19th favorite word

[smile♥]

Teddy and I had taken a short trip to the mall, where I had bought two shirts for work, and season four of Boy Meets World.

"Are you serious?" He laughed.

I nodded enthusiastically. "I absolutely love this show!"

"Well, I have to say that I'm more of a Wonder Years fan, but I guess one Savage is good enough." He laughed as I placed the first disc into the DVD player.

I smirked at him. "Good, because we're watching it whether you like it or not."

----------

I think we had made it through one episode before we were fully making out on my couch. I was glad that I had the day off, because I was sure we'd be here all day.

Everytime he kissed me, I felt like I had finally accomplished something that was meant to happen years ago.

"This feels right." I said quietly as I laid with my head on his chest. When he didn't respond, I felt nervous. "Ted?"

"Huh?" He said, breaking himself out of a daze.

"Nevermind," I said as I sat up. He moved closer to me and attempted to kiss me again.

"I heard what you said," he told me when I pulled away. "And I know what you mean."

I nodded as he continued.

"But um, I didn't know this was going to happen." He said quietly. "I just wanted to hang out with you..."

"What are you trying to say?"

He shrugged and looked up at me nervously. "I um... I thought you knew me and Bonnie... We're not completely broken up."

"What?"

"Bailey," he said. "I thought you knew. I mean, I didn't say we were broken up. We were just on this little... break."

I nodded and glared at him. "Yeah, I'm sure. How long were you planning on lying to me, Ted?! I bet you were going to wait until we went all the way before walking out of here and back to her so you could start ignoring me again."

"Bailey, I wasn't going to do that."

"Oh yeah, then when were you planning on stopping?" I snapped and he just looked at me shyly.

"I wouldn't have ignored you."

"Oh, I'm sure." I said as I rolled my eyes.

"I could never ignore you, Bailey."

Tears threatened to spill out, but I fought them as I pointed at the door. "You need to leave."

"Bailey," he pleaded, but I shook my head.

"No, you need to leave."

He kissed me once more: lightly on the lips. This was goodbye.

----------

"Do you really have to go?" Alyssa asked as she pushed her big black sunglasses onto the top of her head.

I nodded. "Yeah. I've always wanted to go to D.C., and it'll be a nice little experience for me, ya know?"

She smiled at me sadly. "I'm going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too." I said as I gave her a hug. "You can visit sometime if you want."

"I'll have to. Maybe I can snag me a young, rich government agent." She winked and I rolled my eyes at her. She was always looking for guys.

"Bye, Alyssa," I smiled at her as I climbed into my Durango, with all my things loaded into it.

----------

My first stop was the coffee shop to buy a cappuccino. Driving long distances always made me tired, and I was lucky I didn't fall asleep in the middle of the interstate.

"One cappuccino," I said. "Oh and a bagel with plain cream cheese."

"Bailey?" I heard Teddy ask from behind me. "I heard you were leaving."

I nodded at him and smiled. I was able to smile now, because I realized that I was chasing some high school memory that I never got to live out, and now that I had, I was over it.

"Yeah, I am."

"Washington D.C."

I nodded again as the girl handed me my food.

"Don't go." He said as I sat my bagel down on the table and began smearing the cream cheese around.

"Oh, now you want to beg me not to leave?" I laughed. "What happened three years ago when I wanted you to beg me not to leave? What was it you said? 'I don't know what you're holding out for'?" I shook my head and began to walk again. "It's not good enough, Ted."

He jumped in front of me, almost causing me to spill my drink. "Please, don't go. I'm sorry I didn't stop you before. I was young and stupid. Hell, I'm still young and stupid."

I shook my head. "No. I have to go, Ted. Besides, how am I supposed to get a job here? There aren't many positions for a radiologic technologist here. I'm sure D.C. has plenty."

"But you don't know that." He said. "Maybe you can find one here."

I turned around just before I opened the door of my car. "You know, I always knew that there'd be a day when I'd stop wanting you and you'd want me back. I guess today is that day."

He shook his head.

"Ted, just let it go." I said as we stared into each other's eyes, and for once I saw what I'd always wanted to see, but I couldn't return the feeling. "I'm sorry. I'll always love you, but not this way."

"I guess I'll see you around."

I nodded. "You could visit. I'll call you and give you my number when I get there, ok?"

He nodded shyly and his face was full of sadness. He moved towards me and wrapped his arms around me. He didn't want to let go, but for me it was like closing the book. I was able to have a friendly relationship with Teddy without feeling jealous of Bonnie, or whatever girl he was dating at the time.

"Bye, Bailey." He said, barely above a whisper.

I smiled back at him as we separated. "Bye, Teddy." I opened the door and climbed in. "Oh, and Bonnie's playing you. Alyssa noticed it at the coffee shop."

"You're just saying that."

I shook my head. "I'm your friend, Ted. I look out for you. It's what friends do."

He smiled at me and nodded. I gave him a peck on the cheek and he did the same before I climbed in my car and left.

It felt like I could finally breathe. I was moving on and starting the rest of my life. I knew it wasn't the last time I would see Teddy.

[alyssa duhhh]

HOLY CRAP.
that was so days of our lives
and i like teddy 7 times more
because he likes wonder years.
hahahaha

jeeez
if she doesn't get back with teddy.
ugh
i will
hahahahha

MORE!

[live.love.laugh]

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH so FREAKING good! more now!! please

[Kaylie♥++]

teddy = evillll. durrrr bonnies playing him. DURRRRRRRR. stupid teddy, GO TO WASHINGTON D.C, BUDDYYY!

[curlykt]

wow...I'm seriously dissapointed...yet strangely intruiged....goodness this just did not turn out how I expected! but i liked the Boy Meets World marathon....awesome....now if they had gone to Disneyland too, you could bet they'd stay together...hahaha It's the happiest place on Earth for a reason!

[possibilities909]

i really hope thats not the end!!

[livelife]

oh wow i didnt see that coming. all i can say is more please? and i love it !

[smile♥]

That's not the end.
I'll post more up later, right now I have to go to school.. bleh..

[[[ariane]]]

yea, never saw that one coming.
really really good.

[ixheartxrealxverbs]

What? No...she's always leaving!!!!!!!!!!


I know she loves Teddy...she's such a liar!


AHHHHHH. I just can't get enough.
MORE

[Cristina]

woah. totally didnt expect that.
Teddy needs to go get his girl in D.C. lol

sooo good.
more please!